Part 3

Dave Drayton i i

3095 Research

I’m trying to reassure myself that the time and energy spent translating Robin’s story wasn’t wasted. I now know how the game works, how far I can bend pronunciation or stretch grammar in writing around the postcodes. I can get to work on my own story. A list of potentially usable suburbs grew as I worked my way through the translation of Robin’s story, scribbled onto loose sheets of paper:

7304 MEANDER; 2539 BENDALONG; 2832 CRYON; 2795 DARK CORNER; 2370 DIEHARD; 2877 EUBALONG; 2401 GRAVESEND; 2560 RUSE; 4702 BLUFF; 3058 MORELAND; 3352 NAVIGATORS; 7256 PEARSHAPE; 3477 PARADISE; 3596 MIRACLE

One of my first ideas is no doubt inspired by the erotic mistranslation of Robin’s sample. Search for “MOUNT”. Command C. Command V. A quick edit. An orgiastic option that operated like a perverse bucket list. A commanding list of instructions that ran from the romantic (Mount Joy) to the pornographic (Mount Surround). There instructions vary from first names (David, Delany); to surnames (Chalmers); to bestial demands (Mount Fox, Mount Emu); to necrophilic demands (Mount Marrow); to necrophillic and bestial demands (Mount Kilcoy); to occupations (Mount Berryman, Mount Gardiner); to race or nationality (Mount French, Mount Holland, Mount White); to celebrities (Mount Bruno)…:

MOUNT ABUNDANCE ⁴⁴⁵⁵ MOUNT ADAMS ⁶⁵²⁵ MOUNT ADRAH ²⁷²⁹ MOUNT ALFORD ⁴³¹⁰ MOUNT ALFRED ³⁷⁰⁹ MOUNT ALMA ⁴⁶⁸⁰ MOUNT BURNETT ³⁷⁸¹ MOUNT BUTE ³³²⁴ MOUNT BYRON ⁴³¹² MOUNT CAMEL ³⁵²³ MOUNT CAMERON ³³⁷⁰ MOUNT CAROLINE ⁶⁴¹⁰ MOUNT CHALMERS ⁴⁷⁰² MOUNT CHARLES ⁵²⁶⁷ MOUNT CHARLTON ⁴⁷⁴¹ MOUNT CLAREMONT ⁶⁰¹⁰ MOUNT CLARENCE ⁶³³⁰ MOUNT CLEAR ³³⁵⁰ MOUNT COLAH ²⁰⁷⁹ MOUNT COLE ³³⁷⁷ MOUNT COLE CREEK ³³⁷⁷ MOUNT COLLIERY ⁴³⁷⁰ MOUNT COLLINS ²⁷⁹⁴ MOUNT COMPASS ⁵²¹⁰ MOUNT COOKE ⁶³⁹⁰ MOUNT COOLON ⁴⁸⁰⁴ MOUNT COOLUM ⁴⁵⁷³ MOUNT COOPER ²⁶³¹ MOUNT COOPER ⁵⁶⁷¹ MOUNT COOT-THA ⁴⁰⁶⁶ MOUNT COTTON ⁴¹⁶⁵ MOUNT COTTRELL ³⁰²⁴ MOUNT CRAWFORD ⁵³⁵¹ MOUNT CROSBY ⁴³⁰⁶ MOUNT DAMPER ⁵⁶⁵⁴ MOUNT DANDENONG ³⁷⁶⁷ MOUNT DARRAGH ²⁶³² MOUNT DAVID ²⁷⁹⁵ MOUNT DEBATEABLE ⁴⁶²⁵ MOUNT DEE ²³²⁰ MOUNT DELANEY ⁴⁵¹⁴ MOUNT DIRECTION ⁷²⁵² MOUNT DORAN ³³³⁴ MOUNT DRYDEN ³³⁸¹ MOUNT DUNEED ³²¹⁷ MOUNT DUTTON BAY ⁵⁶⁰⁷ MOUNT ECCLES ³⁹⁵³ MOUNT ECCLES SOUTH ³⁹⁵³ MOUNT EDWARDS ⁴³⁰⁹ MOUNT EGERTON ³³⁵² MOUNT ELIZA ³⁹³⁰ MOUNT ELLIOT ²²⁵⁰ MOUNT ELPHINSTONE ⁶³³⁰ MOUNT EMLYN ⁴³⁵⁷ MOUNT EMU ³³⁵¹ MOUNT ENNISKILLEN ⁴⁴⁷² MOUNT ERIN ⁶⁵³² MOUNT EVELYN ³⁷⁹⁶ MOUNT FAIRY ²⁵⁸⁰ MOUNT FIELD ⁷¹⁴⁰ MOUNT FORBES ⁴³⁴⁰ MOUNT FOSTER ²⁸²⁴ MOUNT FOX ⁴⁸⁵⁰ MOUNT FRANKLIN ³⁴⁶¹ MOUNT FRENCH ⁴³¹⁰ MOUNT GARDINER ⁴⁷⁰⁵ MOUNT GARNET ⁴⁸⁷²  MOUNT GEORGE ²⁴²⁴  MOUNT GEORGE ⁵¹⁵⁵ MOUNT GLASGOW ³³⁷¹ MOUNT GLORIOUS ⁴⁵²⁰ MOUNT HALLEN ⁴³¹² MOUNT HAMPTON ⁶⁴²⁶ MOUNT HARDEY ⁶³⁰² MOUNT HARDMAN ⁶⁷⁶⁵ MOUNT HARRIS ²⁸²⁴ MOUNT HAWTHORN ⁶⁷¹⁴ MOUNT ANNAN ²⁵⁶⁷ MOUNT AQUILA ²⁸²⁰ MOUNT ARCHER ⁴⁵¹⁴ MOUNT ARCHER ⁴⁷⁰¹ MOUNT ARTHUR ²⁸²⁰ MOUNT AUSTIN ²⁶⁵⁰ MOUNT BARKER ⁵²⁵¹ MOUNT BARKER ⁶³²⁴ MOUNT BARKER JUNCTION ⁵²⁵¹ MOUNT BARKER SPRINGS ⁵²⁵¹ MOUNT BARKER SUMMIT ⁵²⁵¹ MOUNT BARNEY ⁴²⁸⁷ MOUNT BEAUTY ³⁶⁹⁹ MOUNT BECKWORTH ³³⁶³ MOUNT BENSON ⁵²⁷⁵ MOUNT BERRYMAN ⁴³⁴¹ MOUNT BEST ³⁹⁶⁰ MOUNT BINDANGO ⁴⁴⁵⁵ MOUNT BINGA ⁴³⁰⁶ MOUNT BOLTON ³³⁵² MOUNT BRITTON ⁴⁷⁴² MOUNT BRUNO ³⁶⁷⁵ MOUNT BRYAN ⁵⁴¹⁸ MOUNT BRYAN EAST ⁵⁴¹⁹ MOUNT BUDD ⁶⁵²² MOUNT BUFFALO ³⁷⁴⁰ MOUNT BULLER ³⁷²³ MOUNT BURGES ⁶⁴²⁹ MOUNT HELEN ³³⁵⁰ MOUNT HELENA ⁶⁰⁸² MOUNT HICKS ⁷³²⁵ MOUNT HILL ⁶⁵²⁸ MOUNT HOLLAND ⁶⁴²⁶ MOUNT HOOGHLY ³⁴⁷² MOUNT HOPE ²⁸⁷⁷ MOUNT HOPE ⁵⁶⁰⁷ MOUNT HOREB ²⁷²⁹ MOUNT HORNER ⁶⁵²⁵ MOUNT HUNTER ²⁵⁷⁰ MOUNT HUTTON ²²⁹⁰ MOUNT HUTTON ⁴⁴⁵⁴ MOUNT IRVINE ²⁷⁸⁶ MOUNT IRVING ⁴⁴⁰¹ MOUNT ISA ⁴⁸²⁵ MOUNT ISA CITY ⁴⁸²⁵ MOUNT ISA EAST ⁴⁸²⁵ MOUNT JACKSON ⁶⁴²⁶ MOUNT JAGGED ⁵²¹¹ MOUNT JOHNS ⁰⁸⁷⁴ MOUNT JOY ⁵⁶⁷⁰ MOUNT JUKES ⁴⁷⁴⁰ MOUNT JULIAN ⁴⁸⁰⁰ MOUNT KEIRA ²⁵⁰⁰ MOUNT KELLY ⁴⁸⁰⁷ MOUNT KEMBLA ²⁵²⁶ MOUNT KILCOY ⁴⁵¹⁵ MOUNT KINGIMAN ²⁵³⁹ MOUNT KNOWLES ²⁸⁵⁰ MOUNT KURING-GAI ²⁰⁸⁰ MOUNT LAMBIE ²⁷⁹⁰ MOUNT LARCOM ⁴⁶⁹⁵ MOUNT LAWLESS ⁴⁶²⁵ MOUNT LAWLEY ⁶⁰⁵⁰ MOUNT LAWLEY ⁶⁹²⁹ MOUNT LEWIS ²¹⁹⁰ MOUNT LIGHT ⁵²⁷¹ MOUNT LINDESAY ⁶³³³ MOUNT LINDSEY ²⁵⁷⁵ MOUNT LLOYD ⁷¹⁴⁰ MOUNT LOFTY ⁴³⁵⁰ MOUNT LOUISA ⁴⁸¹⁴ MOUNT LOW ⁴⁸¹⁸ MOUNT LUKE ⁴³⁵²  MOUNT MACEDON ³⁴⁴¹ MOUNT MADDEN ⁶³⁵⁶ MOUNT MAGNET ⁶⁶³⁸ MOUNT MAGNIFICENT ⁵²¹⁰ MOUNT MAJOR ³⁶⁴⁶ MOUNT MARIA ⁴⁶⁷⁴ MOUNT MARLOW ⁴⁸⁰⁰ MOUNT MARROW ⁴³⁰⁶ MOUNT MARSDEN ²⁸⁴⁹ MOUNT MARSH ²⁴⁶⁹ MOUNT MARSHALL ⁴³⁶² MOUNT MARTHA ³⁹³⁴ MOUNT MARTIN ⁴⁷⁵⁴ MOUNT MARY ⁵³⁷⁴ MOUNT MCEUEN ⁴⁶⁰⁶ MOUNT MCINTYRE ⁵²⁷⁹ MOUNT MCKENZIE ⁵³⁵³ MOUNT MEE ⁴⁵²¹ MOUNT MELLUM ⁴⁵⁵⁰ MOUNT MELVILLE ⁶³³⁰ MOUNT MERCER ³³⁵² MOUNT MITCHELL ²³⁶⁵ MOUNT MOLAR ⁴³⁶¹ MOUNT MOLLOY ⁴⁸⁷¹ MOUNT MORGAN ⁴⁷¹⁴ MOUNT MORIAH ⁴⁴⁰³ MOUNT MORT ⁴³⁴⁰ MOUNT MULGRAVE ⁴⁸⁹² MOUNT MULLIGAN ⁴⁸⁷¹ MOUNT MURCHISON ⁴⁷¹⁵ MOUNT MURRAY ²⁵⁷⁷ MOUNT NAPIER ³³⁰¹ MOUNT NATHAN ⁴²¹¹MOUNT NELSON ⁷⁰⁰⁷ MOUNT NEY ⁶⁴⁴⁷ MOUNT OBSERVATION ⁵²⁵⁵ MOUNT OBSERVATION ⁶³⁰² MOUNT OLIVE ²³³⁰ MOUNT OLIVE ²⁷⁸⁷ MOUNT OMMANEY ⁴⁰⁷⁴ MOUNT OSMOND ⁵⁰⁶⁴ MOUNT PALMER ⁶⁴²⁶ MOUNT PANORAMA ²⁷⁹⁵ MOUNT PERRY ⁴⁶⁷¹ MOUNT PETER ⁴⁸⁶⁹ MOUNT PLEASANT ²⁵¹⁹ MOUNT PLEASANT ³³⁵⁰ MOUNT PLEASANT ⁴⁵²¹ MOUNT PLEASANT ⁴⁷⁴⁰ MOUNT PLEASANT ⁵²³⁵  MOUNT PLEASANT ⁶¹⁵³ MOUNT PLUTO ⁴⁸⁰⁰ MOUNT PRITCHARD ²¹⁷⁰ MOUNT PROSPECT ³³⁶⁴ MOUNT RANKIN ²⁷⁹⁵ MOUNT RASCAL ⁴³⁵⁰ MOUNT RICHMOND ³³⁰⁵ MOUNT RICHON ⁶¹¹² MOUNT RIVERS ²³¹¹ MOUNT RIVERVIEW ²⁷⁷⁴ MOUNT ROMANCE ⁶³³³ MOUNT ROOPER ⁴⁸⁰² MOUNT ROWAN ³³⁵² MOUNT ROYAL ²³³⁰ MOUNT RUMNEY ⁷¹⁷⁰ MOUNT RUSSELL ²³⁶⁰ MOUNT SABINE ³²³⁶ MOUNT SAINT THOMAS ²⁵⁰⁰ MOUNT SAMSON ⁴⁵²⁰ MOUNT SCHANK ⁵²⁹¹ MOUNT SEAVIEW ²⁴⁴⁶ MOUNT SEYMOUR ⁷¹²⁰ MOUNT SHEILA ⁶⁷⁵¹ MOUNT SHERIDAN ⁴⁸⁶⁸ MOUNT SHERIDAN ⁶³⁵⁵ MOUNT ST JOHN ⁴⁸¹⁸ MOUNT STANLEY ⁴³⁰⁶ MOUNT STEADMAN ⁴⁶²⁵ MOUNT STIRLING ⁶³⁸³ MOUNT STUART ⁷⁰⁰⁰ MOUNT STURT ⁴³⁷⁰ MOUNT SURPRISE ⁴⁸⁷¹ MOUNT SURROUND ⁴⁸⁰⁹ MOUNT SYLVIA ⁴³⁴³ MOUNT TABOR ⁴³⁷⁰ MOUNT TASSIE ³⁸⁴⁴ MOUNT TARAMPA ⁴³¹¹ MOUNT TARCOOLA ⁶⁵³⁰ MOUNT TAYLOR ³⁸⁷⁵ MOUNT TEMPLETON ⁵⁴⁶¹ MOUNT TENANDRA ²⁸²⁸ MOUNT THORLEY ²³³⁰ MOUNT TOM ⁴⁶⁷⁷ MOUNT TOMAH ²⁷⁵⁸ MOUNT TOOLEBEWONG ³⁷⁷⁷ MOUNT TORRENS ⁵²⁴⁴ MOUNT TULLY ⁴³⁸⁰ MOUNT TYSON ⁴³⁵⁶ MOUNT URAH ⁴⁶⁵⁰ MOUNT VERNON ²¹⁷⁸ MOUNT VICTORIA ²⁷⁸⁶ MOUNT VIEW ²³²⁵ MOUNT VINCENT ²³²³ MOUNT WALKER ⁴³⁴⁰ MOUNT WALKER ⁶³⁶⁹ MOUNT WALKER WEST ⁴³⁴⁰ MOUNT WALLACE ³³⁴² MOUNT WARNING ²⁴⁸⁴ MOUNT WARREN PARK ⁴²⁰⁷ MOUNT WARRIGAL ²⁵²⁸ MOUNT WAVERLEY ³¹⁴⁹ MOUNT WEDGE ⁵⁶⁷⁰ MOUNT WELLS ⁶³⁹⁰ MOUNT WERONG ²⁷⁸⁷ MOUNT WHITE ²²⁵⁰ MOUNT WHITESTONE ⁴³⁴⁷ MOUNT WILSON ²⁷⁸⁶ MOUNT WYATT ⁴⁸⁰⁴

Following this is a reworking of the Steamed Hams scene from The Simpsons. I make it as far as a workable first draft:

At SIMPSONS CREEK ³⁸⁸⁸ a meeting, MOUNT SEYMOUR ⁷¹²⁰ and MOUNT CHALMERS ⁴⁷⁰².
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SEYMOUR ³⁶⁶⁰ COOKE PLAINS ⁵²⁶¹ thinking the DEVILS HOLE ²⁵⁵⁰.
SEYMOUR ³⁶⁶¹ does a BIG BEND ⁵²³⁸ LEGANA ⁷²⁷⁷ WINDOWIE ²⁷²⁰ says “Isometric exercise.”
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COOKS GAP ²⁸⁵⁰ filled with fast food.
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Steamed hams, STEAM PLAINS ²⁷¹⁰… From ALBANY ⁶³³⁰…
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Is that SMOKO ³⁷⁴¹in your kitchen?
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AGNES ³⁹⁶² yells: SEYMOUR ⁷²¹⁵!
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“No Mother, it’s just the NORTHERN HEIGHTS ⁵²⁵³”

Having a hit wall, but inspired by the approach, I try another more cinematic translation, based on the dramatically named Diehard, New South Wales. Get a pretty accurate rendition of the movie with barely any additions to the postcodes:

DIEHARD ²³⁷⁰i
HANSON ⁵⁴¹⁷ JOHNSTOWN ⁴⁶¹⁵.
HANSBOROUGH ⁵³⁷⁴INGOLDSBY ⁴³⁴³ BLUFF ⁴⁷⁰²ing
GERMANIA ³³⁸⁷, Hans, MOUNT JOHNS ⁰⁸⁷⁴ BOX HEAD ²²⁵⁷
BOM BOM ²⁴⁶⁰!
POWELLTOWN ³⁷⁹⁷ POLICE POINT ⁷¹¹⁶, John saves the day.
HOLLYWELL ⁴²¹⁶, MOUNT ST JOHN ⁴⁸¹⁸.

Both have me a little worried about allegations of copyright infringement. I needed something closer to my experience. Closer to home.

2834 Lightning Ridge

Like a magic eye revealing a sailboat or a schooner or a spaceship, like a succession of successful clicks through a stethoscope confirming a safe’s correct combination, like a flash of lightning filling this knotted network of string with an electric charge, a realisation. In considering only the alphabetic aspects of the postcodes one half of their narrative and poetic potential was potentially being overlooked. Some quick calculations confirmed this, and the need to dig a little deeper.

The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
2371 [YELLOW DAM]
+
2380 [BLUE VALE]
= 4751 [GREENMOUNT]

Add a Yellow Pinch to a Blue Haven and you got a Shelly Beach.
2262 [BLUE HAVEN]
+
2548 [YELLOW PINCH]
= 4810 [SHELLY BEACH]

2615 Holt

There’s people here that have suspicions about the moon landing and big pharma and whether or not jet fuel has the wherewithal to wither steal beams and where I may not have seen the logic of their arguments before I can now better understand the suspicion cast on the shadows cast on the moon. Partial evidence is more compelling than the full picture. It leaves a little room for you and all your yarn.

Yes, Menzies is apparently the last Australian Prime Minister to leave office of his own accord. But isn’t it just the tiniest bit conceivable that Holt – no spring chicken himself, and no doubt acutely aware of the clock’s ticking (at 57 he would be the fourth-oldest man to assume office) – finagled a backroom deal wherein he played Menzies’ age – the man was 70 – against him, but allowed him to leave ostensibly on his own terms. Menzies spends the next 22 months quietly fuming out of the hearts and minds of an unassuming public. Holt, taken by the view, goes for a dip in the sea… Menzies sees no sunset, but an opportunity, or plans coming to fruition.

The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
3821 [SEA VIEW]
+
2615 [HOLT]
= 6436 [MENZIES]

The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
The evidence continues to mount.

The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
2483 [OCEAN SHORES]
+
2615 [HOLT]
= 5098 [WALKLEY HEIGHTS]

Hamilton Johnson won the Walkley Award for Best Piece Of Newspaper Reporting in 1968, recognising his coverage of Holt’s disappearance in December the year before, for Melbourne’s The Age. Hamilton had long been sympathetic to Menzies in his reportage, and it isn’t entirely inconceivable that the former prime minister may have been handfeeding him the scoop. It would also explain why award-winning reporting got away with getting so much wrong…

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but how strange that postcodes, introduced a few months prior to Holt’s disappearance, should reveal so much about it.

The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
2622 [HAROLDS CROSS]
+
2474 [WADEVILLE / LOADSTONE / THE
RISK / ETTRICK / FAWCETTS
PLAIN]
= 5049 [SEAVIEW DOWNS]

Harold’s wading across the ocean is foretold to result in the sea downing him like a loadstone; the risk, however, is here already known to be a trick. The driving force behind the ploy is plain to see (Menzies), and the pun alludes to the drowning with the suggestion of faucet. Giving further evidence to the Menzies theory is another equation featuring the Victorian suburb of Sea View.

The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
3821 [SEA VIEW]
+
2622 [HAROLDS CROSS]
= 6443 [FRASER RANGE]

Although Malcolm Fraser (a fellow Liberal) would not enter office as prime minister until 11 November, 1975, the reach and range of his political power is here predicated on Holt’s failed crossing of the Sea View.

About the Author

Dave Drayton was an amateur banjo player, Kanganoulipian, founding member of the Atterton Academy, and the author of E, UIO, A (Container), P(oe)Ms (Rabbit), A Pet Per Ably-Faced Kid (Stale Objects dePress), and Haiturograms (Stale Objects dePress).