Dave Drayton i i
I’m trying to reassure myself that the time and energy spent translating Robin’s story wasn’t wasted. I now know how the game works, how far I can bend pronunciation or stretch grammar in writing around the postcodes. I can get to work on my own story. A list of potentially usable suburbs grew as I worked my way through the translation of Robin’s story, scribbled onto loose sheets of paper:
7304 MEANDER; 2539 BENDALONG; 2832 CRYON; 2795 DARK CORNER; 2370 DIEHARD; 2877 EUBALONG; 2401 GRAVESEND; 2560 RUSE; 4702 BLUFF; 3058 MORELAND; 3352 NAVIGATORS; 7256 PEARSHAPE; 3477 PARADISE; 3596 MIRACLE
One of my first ideas is no doubt inspired by the erotic mistranslation of Robin’s sample. Search for “MOUNT”. Command C. Command V. A quick edit. An orgiastic option that operated like a perverse bucket list. A commanding list of instructions that ran from the romantic (Mount Joy) to the pornographic (Mount Surround). There instructions vary from first names (David, Delany); to surnames (Chalmers); to bestial demands (Mount Fox, Mount Emu); to necrophilic demands (Mount Marrow); to necrophillic and bestial demands (Mount Kilcoy); to occupations (Mount Berryman, Mount Gardiner); to race or nationality (Mount French, Mount Holland, Mount White); to celebrities (Mount Bruno)…:
MOUNT ABUNDANCE 4455 MOUNT ADAMS 6525 MOUNT ADRAH 2729 MOUNT ALFORD 4310 MOUNT ALFRED 3709 MOUNT ALMA 4680 MOUNT BURNETT 3781 MOUNT BUTE 3324 MOUNT BYRON 4312 MOUNT CAMEL 3523 MOUNT CAMERON 3370 MOUNT CAROLINE 6410 MOUNT CHALMERS 4702 MOUNT CHARLES 5267 MOUNT CHARLTON 4741 MOUNT CLAREMONT 6010 MOUNT CLARENCE 6330 MOUNT CLEAR 3350 MOUNT COLAH 2079 MOUNT COLE 3377 MOUNT COLE CREEK 3377 MOUNT COLLIERY 4370 MOUNT COLLINS 2794 MOUNT COMPASS 5210 MOUNT COOKE 6390 MOUNT COOLON 4804 MOUNT COOLUM 4573 MOUNT COOPER 2631 MOUNT COOPER 5671 MOUNT COOT-THA 4066 MOUNT COTTON 4165 MOUNT COTTRELL 3024 MOUNT CRAWFORD 5351 MOUNT CROSBY 4306 MOUNT DAMPER 5654 MOUNT DANDENONG 3767 MOUNT DARRAGH 2632 MOUNT DAVID 2795 MOUNT DEBATEABLE 4625 MOUNT DEE 2320 MOUNT DELANEY 4514 MOUNT DIRECTION 7252 MOUNT DORAN 3334 MOUNT DRYDEN 3381 MOUNT DUNEED 3217 MOUNT DUTTON BAY 5607 MOUNT ECCLES 3953 MOUNT ECCLES SOUTH 3953 MOUNT EDWARDS 4309 MOUNT EGERTON 3352 MOUNT ELIZA 3930 MOUNT ELLIOT 2250 MOUNT ELPHINSTONE 6330 MOUNT EMLYN 4357 MOUNT EMU 3351 MOUNT ENNISKILLEN 4472 MOUNT ERIN 6532 MOUNT EVELYN 3796 MOUNT FAIRY 2580 MOUNT FIELD 7140 MOUNT FORBES 4340 MOUNT FOSTER 2824 MOUNT FOX 4850 MOUNT FRANKLIN 3461 MOUNT FRENCH 4310 MOUNT GARDINER 4705 MOUNT GARNET 4872 MOUNT GEORGE 2424 MOUNT GEORGE 5155 MOUNT GLASGOW 3371 MOUNT GLORIOUS 4520 MOUNT HALLEN 4312 MOUNT HAMPTON 6426 MOUNT HARDEY 6302 MOUNT HARDMAN 6765 MOUNT HARRIS 2824 MOUNT HAWTHORN 6714 MOUNT ANNAN 2567 MOUNT AQUILA 2820 MOUNT ARCHER 4514 MOUNT ARCHER 4701 MOUNT ARTHUR 2820 MOUNT AUSTIN 2650 MOUNT BARKER 5251 MOUNT BARKER 6324 MOUNT BARKER JUNCTION 5251 MOUNT BARKER SPRINGS 5251 MOUNT BARKER SUMMIT 5251 MOUNT BARNEY 4287 MOUNT BEAUTY 3699 MOUNT BECKWORTH 3363 MOUNT BENSON 5275 MOUNT BERRYMAN 4341 MOUNT BEST 3960 MOUNT BINDANGO 4455 MOUNT BINGA 4306 MOUNT BOLTON 3352 MOUNT BRITTON 4742 MOUNT BRUNO 3675 MOUNT BRYAN 5418 MOUNT BRYAN EAST 5419 MOUNT BUDD 6522 MOUNT BUFFALO 3740 MOUNT BULLER 3723 MOUNT BURGES 6429 MOUNT HELEN 3350 MOUNT HELENA 6082 MOUNT HICKS 7325 MOUNT HILL 6528 MOUNT HOLLAND 6426 MOUNT HOOGHLY 3472 MOUNT HOPE 2877 MOUNT HOPE 5607 MOUNT HOREB 2729 MOUNT HORNER 6525 MOUNT HUNTER 2570 MOUNT HUTTON 2290 MOUNT HUTTON 4454 MOUNT IRVINE 2786 MOUNT IRVING 4401 MOUNT ISA 4825 MOUNT ISA CITY 4825 MOUNT ISA EAST 4825 MOUNT JACKSON 6426 MOUNT JAGGED 5211 MOUNT JOHNS 0874 MOUNT JOY 5670 MOUNT JUKES 4740 MOUNT JULIAN 4800 MOUNT KEIRA 2500 MOUNT KELLY 4807 MOUNT KEMBLA 2526 MOUNT KILCOY 4515 MOUNT KINGIMAN 2539 MOUNT KNOWLES 2850 MOUNT KURING-GAI 2080 MOUNT LAMBIE 2790 MOUNT LARCOM 4695 MOUNT LAWLESS 4625 MOUNT LAWLEY 6050 MOUNT LAWLEY 6929 MOUNT LEWIS 2190 MOUNT LIGHT 5271 MOUNT LINDESAY 6333 MOUNT LINDSEY 2575 MOUNT LLOYD 7140 MOUNT LOFTY 4350 MOUNT LOUISA 4814 MOUNT LOW 4818 MOUNT LUKE 4352 MOUNT MACEDON 3441 MOUNT MADDEN 6356 MOUNT MAGNET 6638 MOUNT MAGNIFICENT 5210 MOUNT MAJOR 3646 MOUNT MARIA 4674 MOUNT MARLOW 4800 MOUNT MARROW 4306 MOUNT MARSDEN 2849 MOUNT MARSH 2469 MOUNT MARSHALL 4362 MOUNT MARTHA 3934 MOUNT MARTIN 4754 MOUNT MARY 5374 MOUNT MCEUEN 4606 MOUNT MCINTYRE 5279 MOUNT MCKENZIE 5353 MOUNT MEE 4521 MOUNT MELLUM 4550 MOUNT MELVILLE 6330 MOUNT MERCER 3352 MOUNT MITCHELL 2365 MOUNT MOLAR 4361 MOUNT MOLLOY 4871 MOUNT MORGAN 4714 MOUNT MORIAH 4403 MOUNT MORT 4340 MOUNT MULGRAVE 4892 MOUNT MULLIGAN 4871 MOUNT MURCHISON 4715 MOUNT MURRAY 2577 MOUNT NAPIER 3301 MOUNT NATHAN 4211MOUNT NELSON 7007 MOUNT NEY 6447 MOUNT OBSERVATION 5255 MOUNT OBSERVATION 6302 MOUNT OLIVE 2330 MOUNT OLIVE 2787 MOUNT OMMANEY 4074 MOUNT OSMOND 5064 MOUNT PALMER 6426 MOUNT PANORAMA 2795 MOUNT PERRY 4671 MOUNT PETER 4869 MOUNT PLEASANT 2519 MOUNT PLEASANT 3350 MOUNT PLEASANT 4521 MOUNT PLEASANT 4740 MOUNT PLEASANT 5235 MOUNT PLEASANT 6153 MOUNT PLUTO 4800 MOUNT PRITCHARD 2170 MOUNT PROSPECT 3364 MOUNT RANKIN 2795 MOUNT RASCAL 4350 MOUNT RICHMOND 3305 MOUNT RICHON 6112 MOUNT RIVERS 2311 MOUNT RIVERVIEW 2774 MOUNT ROMANCE 6333 MOUNT ROOPER 4802 MOUNT ROWAN 3352 MOUNT ROYAL 2330 MOUNT RUMNEY 7170 MOUNT RUSSELL 2360 MOUNT SABINE 3236 MOUNT SAINT THOMAS 2500 MOUNT SAMSON 4520 MOUNT SCHANK 5291 MOUNT SEAVIEW 2446 MOUNT SEYMOUR 7120 MOUNT SHEILA 6751 MOUNT SHERIDAN 4868 MOUNT SHERIDAN 6355 MOUNT ST JOHN 4818 MOUNT STANLEY 4306 MOUNT STEADMAN 4625 MOUNT STIRLING 6383 MOUNT STUART 7000 MOUNT STURT 4370 MOUNT SURPRISE 4871 MOUNT SURROUND 4809 MOUNT SYLVIA 4343 MOUNT TABOR 4370 MOUNT TASSIE 3844 MOUNT TARAMPA 4311 MOUNT TARCOOLA 6530 MOUNT TAYLOR 3875 MOUNT TEMPLETON 5461 MOUNT TENANDRA 2828 MOUNT THORLEY 2330 MOUNT TOM 4677 MOUNT TOMAH 2758 MOUNT TOOLEBEWONG 3777 MOUNT TORRENS 5244 MOUNT TULLY 4380 MOUNT TYSON 4356 MOUNT URAH 4650 MOUNT VERNON 2178 MOUNT VICTORIA 2786 MOUNT VIEW 2325 MOUNT VINCENT 2323 MOUNT WALKER 4340 MOUNT WALKER 6369 MOUNT WALKER WEST 4340 MOUNT WALLACE 3342 MOUNT WARNING 2484 MOUNT WARREN PARK 4207 MOUNT WARRIGAL 2528 MOUNT WAVERLEY 3149 MOUNT WEDGE 5670 MOUNT WELLS 6390 MOUNT WERONG 2787 MOUNT WHITE 2250 MOUNT WHITESTONE 4347 MOUNT WILSON 2786 MOUNT WYATT 4804
Following this is a reworking of the Steamed Hams scene from The Simpsons. I make it as far as a workable first draft:
At SIMPSONS CREEK 3888 a meeting, MOUNT SEYMOUR 7120 and MOUNT CHALMERS 4702.
SEYMOUR 3660 COOKE PLAINS 5261 thinking the DEVILS HOLE 2550.
SEYMOUR 3661 does a BIG BEND 5238 LEGANA 7277 WINDOWIE 2720 says “Isometric exercise.”
COOKS GAP 2850 filled with fast food.
Steamed hams, STEAM PLAINS 2710… From ALBANY 6330…
Is that SMOKO 3741in your kitchen?
AGNES 3962 yells: SEYMOUR 7215!
“No Mother, it’s just the NORTHERN HEIGHTS 5253”
Having a hit wall, but inspired by the approach, I try another more cinematic translation, based on the dramatically named Diehard, New South Wales. Get a pretty accurate rendition of the movie with barely any additions to the postcodes:
HANSON 5417 JOHNSTOWN 4615.
HANSBOROUGH 5374INGOLDSBY 4343 BLUFF 4702ing
GERMANIA 3387, Hans, MOUNT JOHNS 0874 BOX HEAD 2257
BOM BOM 2460!
POWELLTOWN 3797 POLICE POINT 7116, John saves the day.
HOLLYWELL 4216, MOUNT ST JOHN 4818.
Both have me a little worried about allegations of copyright infringement. I needed something closer to my experience. Closer to home.
Like a magic eye revealing a sailboat or a schooner or a spaceship, like a succession of successful clicks through a stethoscope confirming a safe’s correct combination, like a flash of lightning filling this knotted network of string with an electric charge, a realisation. In considering only the alphabetic aspects of the postcodes one half of their narrative and poetic potential was potentially being overlooked. Some quick calculations confirmed this, and the need to dig a little deeper.
There’s people here that have suspicions about the moon landing and big pharma and whether or not jet fuel has the wherewithal to wither steal beams and where I may not have seen the logic of their arguments before I can now better understand the suspicion cast on the shadows cast on the moon. Partial evidence is more compelling than the full picture. It leaves a little room for you and all your yarn.
Yes, Menzies is apparently the last Australian Prime Minister to leave office of his own accord. But isn’t it just the tiniest bit conceivable that Holt – no spring chicken himself, and no doubt acutely aware of the clock’s ticking (at 57 he would be the fourth-oldest man to assume office) – finagled a backroom deal wherein he played Menzies’ age – the man was 70 – against him, but allowed him to leave ostensibly on his own terms. Menzies spends the next 22 months quietly fuming out of the hearts and minds of an unassuming public. Holt, taken by the view, goes for a dip in the sea… Menzies sees no sunset, but an opportunity, or plans coming to fruition.
The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
The evidence continues to mount.
Hamilton Johnson won the Walkley Award for Best Piece Of Newspaper Reporting in 1968, recognising his coverage of Holt’s disappearance in December the year before, for Melbourne’s The Age. Hamilton had long been sympathetic to Menzies in his reportage, and it isn’t entirely inconceivable that the former prime minister may have been handfeeding him the scoop. It would also explain why award-winning reporting got away with getting so much wrong…
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but how strange that postcodes, introduced a few months prior to Holt’s disappearance, should reveal so much about it.
The addition of Blue Vale to Yellow Dam made Greenmount:
2622 [HAROLDS CROSS]
2474 [WADEVILLE / LOADSTONE / THE
RISK / ETTRICK / FAWCETTS
= 5049 [SEAVIEW DOWNS]
Harold’s wading across the ocean is foretold to result in the sea downing him like a loadstone; the risk, however, is here already known to be a trick. The driving force behind the ploy is plain to see (Menzies), and the pun alludes to the drowning with the suggestion of faucet. Giving further evidence to the Menzies theory is another equation featuring the Victorian suburb of Sea View.
Although Malcolm Fraser (a fellow Liberal) would not enter office as prime minister until 11 November, 1975, the reach and range of his political power is here predicated on Holt’s failed crossing of the Sea View.
About the Author
Dave Drayton was an amateur banjo player, Kanganoulipian, founding member of the Atterton Academy, and the author of E, UIO, A (Container), P(oe)Ms (Rabbit), A Pet Per Ably-Faced Kid (Stale Objects dePress), and Haiturograms (Stale Objects dePress).